Mommy and daddy are baby-eating atheists, apparently

I've been light on the posting lately, so there's a lot to catch up on. I've started breathing classes, which supposedly makes it easier on mommy when it's time for me to pop the fuck out, though honestly, I can't imagine anything making that process easy on anyone. By that time, I'm about the size of a large cabbage, and I'm going to be stretching the fuck out of a hole that's usually not meant for anything bigger than a medium carrot.

And as hard as mommy has it, I have to go from happily swimming in amniotic fluid to having to breathe in oxygen on my own - that's a a fucking transition right there. If that's not bad enough, I get slapped by the doctor just to make me cry. At least I'm not a dude and I don't have to face the possibility of getting my foreskin chopped. What kind of barbaric culture allows this? Hopefully, I'm born into a more civilized society where this sort of mutilation isn't allowed.

Which gets me thinking, as I often do with all this free time and no iPod to while my time away with, which god am I going to be forced to worship?

A man once said, "I definitely want my son to be christened, but I don't know which religion yet." Well, that man is a complete fucking idiot, but his heart's in the right place.

We all need spirituality, since there's more shit in the world that's unexplainable than not. Religion gives a nice set of rules to live by, to encourage people to sacrifice their immediate, short-term needs for the greater and long-term good. And the rituals give followers a sense of belonging, and comfort knowing that this shit worked for their ancestors and will work for them too.

I've gathered enough intel from my parents to know that they don't really believe in god, at least not one that's officially sanctioned (which sort of explains why my bastard fetus ass is here in the first place). But I don't see them going around robbing motherfuckers or fucking everything that walks, so I can't say absence of religion is the worst thing in the world, on an individual basis, anyway.

But really, God couldn't possibly give a fuck if you ate bacon or prayed in a certain direction or put up stockings by the mantle, right? Maybe that's some shit that's too complex for my feeble incomplete mind to wrap itself around. Wait, did I say bacon? And wrap? Shit, I'm hungry again.