My daddy is a motherfucker

Parental sex can be pretty fucking traumatic for a fetus. And it happens pretty fucking often because mommy's all hormonal and shit and daddy thinking he needs to squeeze in all the unprotected sex he wants because mommy can't get any more pregnanter and she's gonna close up shop once I pop out.

It's a good thing I haven't developed my memory functions or full use of my hands, because otherwise, I would have strangled myself to death by now.

Seriously, imagine you're like 5 inches tall and you're buck ass naked swimming inside this little bubble, you're chilling out sucking out nutrients and all of a sudden, you see this fucking rod that's as big as you trying to ram its way into your bubble? And it goes on for 7, 8, even 9 minutes - that's a fucking eternity for someone who's barely 4 months old. Yeah, sure, the penis can't actually reach me, but how am I supposed to know that? I'm just a fucking fetus, for fuck sake.

I am the bastard child of a blogger

Please allow me to introduce myself, my name is, shit, I don't have a name. In fact, I don't even know if I have a penis or a vagina. All I know is that I'm a 17-week old fetus and I'm stuck inside a vagina for the next 5 months and change.

Not that I'm complaining. Life isn't bad here. I get food on the regular, Its kinda dark and cramped, but shit, I don't know any better so who gives a shit, right? I'm told this is as good as life's going to get and the outside world is nothing but bullshit, so I'm going to enjoy my time here.

Anyway, this is my blog, an archive, if you will, of my thoughts and experiences, since I haven't developed long term memory, and I ain't got no cameras and shit to document all that goes on here. And fuck, I got all the time in the world - all I do is eat, sleep, and suck on my thumb, so I might as well make myself useful.

If all goes well, I'll have a book deal waiting for me when I pop out and the doctor slaps my ass.